My derby heart is breaking

Today has been a bit tough for me. It's the Beast of the East in Montreal and it's the first Beast I've missed since 2009. Beast, for those who aren't familiar, is a 16 team roller derby tournament held in Montreal over a weekend. It's a double-elimination tournament with 28 games in total and a real marathon for participant and spectator alike. My beloved Slaughter Daughters are playing and I miss them so much!

I've been with the Slaughter Daughters since they were born (and before that too - long story, not worth discussing). With my injury putting me out of play for the last two seasons, I've been supporting, sewing and helping to jammer manage on the bench. Watching them skate without me while I was injured was hard, but I was comforted by having a place on the bench to still be a part of the machine. Now that I'm in London I can't help them at all or share in any of the fun. All I can do is tune into Canuck Derby TV and watch from over on my side of the pond (and scream at the monitor...which I've been doing). It's been a really hard day for me. I miss them so much and wish I could be there for them.

Last year we actually won the crazy tournament, so it's especially bitter sweet to watch them play this weekend since I know how many different emotions they must be going through and I can't share in it and hug it out with them. Ok, now I'm crying. But I did that last year when we won too, so that's normal, I suppose.

Pretty Sketchy and I joining them after their win. Photo by Derek Lang of Bagel Hot

And yes, there's me crying happy tears. Also by Derek Lang of Bagel Hot

The last jam of our winning game last year has been repeatedly cited as being the most exciting in the history of Canadian roller derby. I fully agree. It was a moment I'll never forget and am thankful to have been a part of that beautiful group of women. If you're like my parents and don't have a clue about derby, that's ok, you can still get the excitement going on in this clip:

So yeah, big emotions for me this weekend as I watch it all go down on the monitor instead of in person. And I'm also missing out on three meals at Aux Vivres, a super-yummy restaurant we invade all weekend. And I'm missing out on playing around with the fantastic (and ridiculously fun) Canuck Derby TV crew, whom I spent a good majority of my non-game hours with last year helping out on the text cast for the games. 

But then, on top of all of this, I now have more teams to root for - a handful of RVRG skaters, whom I love, moved to Montreal and have been picked up by various home teams there. Talk about dividing my loyalties when my best friend now dresses in purple and gold! 

Ok, back to it - the games are still going and I've gotta make it until after midnight when the Slaughter Daughters play again (thanks time zones, yeesh).

Snakes and cap guns

Tonight was the first night since we decided we're going that I'm genuinely sad to be leaving. Ironically, my night was spent at a going away party for two friends moving to Montreal. I'm getting to a place where I'm finally comfortable with the people in my life and truly excited that they're in my life....and we're leaving. I don't regret the decision to go, but as I've started thinking about all the people with whom I'd like to spend time before I go, I realize that I'm going to miss this group of people more than I believe I would have missed other groups in various times of my life.,,,if that makes any sense.

Two years isn't an especially long time, but it seems like a long enough stretch when faced with the knowledge that this group will change and evolve in my absence. I suppose it's all a gamble, but I'm going to miss them terribly.