It's not the end of the world and other disappointments

 I've had to take a "me" day today. I needed a day where I did the things that I wanted to do and did them in my own time. Yesterday drove me to this, which is a bit funny given that the day prior I had just posted about how happy I am here. I still am happy here, but it's just been a number of little irritations all at once that have left me with a deep desire for "me" time. 

So what went down yesterday? Nothing major, let me assure you. A week ago or so my mother sent me a text asking if I'd gone to the gym yet or if I'd made any friends. The answer at that time was "no" on both counts. I still haven't made any friends (thank goodness for relatives - James' British family have managed to be my primary social outlet, a burden I'm sure they were unaware they'd be shouldering). But I did buy gym passes through GroupOnUK. Turns out I could get 10 single use passes for £10, so I picked them up. 

Yesterday was my third trip to the gym and I think I had confounded them during my first two. Because of my injury I can't do anything major in terms of cardio equipment and since it's my first time back in the gym in ages, I was taking it a little easier; no sense injuring myself by being overzealous. So they watched me spend all of my time on the erg or stretching. And, to make it worse they also saw me not upgrading my passes into a membership. So after being circled by personal trainers for two and half sessions, one finally sat down bedside me, interrupted my steady-state workout I'd been three quarters of the way through (grr) and pestered me about what I wanted out of my time at the gym. When I finally gave in and removed my headphones (isn't that gym lingo for "don't bug me"!?), he asked me questions, didn't absorb my answers and insisted that what I was doing wasn't going to get me the results he knew I wanted. Uh, what? You don't know what I want. Ok. So he offered me a free training session. And a pile of cliches. I've accepted the free session, but the whole experience left me a little peeved.

Then I returned to the "hotel" flat and had just enough time to get through the shower before visiting with Claire for lunch. Except the cleaning staff were right in the thick of it. I was gone for TWO HOURS during their usual drop-in time...I give up learning their system. We ate in the flat and I had a long soak after Claire left....then I promptly threw up my lunch. Honestly, I cannot figure out what my body needs right now, but after 30 years of continuous use, it's acting up.

Ok, so all of this isn't really a big deal, right? Right. I acknowledge that. But what if I tell you it was a critical time in the month for me yesterday and that I was already very prone to irritability. Yeah, you follow.

The tipping point for me (and the real core issue) came when I got an email that my trip to Germany for a trade show was cancelled. I wasn't expecting that and I cannot even begin to describe how thoroughly disappointed and upset it made me. It was something that I was not only really looking forward to, but it had also become a trip that represented a commitment back home and a way to understand what my future would hopefully be upon our return. Now I don't feel that way. I don't feel so secure and it is so scary. I doubt it makes sense to many people, but it was more than a work trip for me. 

So that mandated I have a total "me" day. And so far, I have, thanks to a few suggestions from friends.