Dance the night away

For two years running, The Reverb Syndicate have been ever-so-fortunate to be invited to play at Barnstorm. Last year the Soviet Sisters were able to come along, but this year we were one down and when there's only two of you, that's noticeable. So I didn't dance the show. But after the set our contingent headed over to the Chill Out Barn where we did get to dancing. I was mid-dance when I realised that this sort of dance breakout is going to be a rare event for me in the coming months. It takes a particular sort atmosphere and carefully curated participants to all get their groove on over the same music in the right mood for the night. We had that last night and I'm thankful. The ease with which this occurs in my Ottawa life will be harder to come by in my London life.

I've been thinking a lot about friends and friendships lately as I realise I may see the end of many of the more tenuous connections in my life with this move. I haven't tried as hard as I should with my friends. It's a trait I think I've picked up from my family: during my childhood my mother always had work friends and then a string of one-at-a-time supernova friendships that burned bright and strong then completely disappeared. My father might have other friends, but I really only know of one constant outside of the workplace and, even then, I'm not sure how often they're in contact. Both of my parents have cultivated strong relationships with our family, though, so please don't take this to mean they are hermits. And in the ten years since I've lived at home, I know they've expanded their circles quite a bit, but that's not the example I grew up around. Bearing this in mind, I see now that I didn't pick up the skills I think are necessary to really build and foster a friendship with my peers.

Yes, I have friends. I even have some great friends and some whom I'd consider to be quite close. But I don't put the right amount of effort into them and so I haven't done them justice. It used to make me very sad, but now I have lived with it for so long and have adapted my definition of "friend" to such an extent that I don't feel sad, though I do wish to improve on my efforts. In this one area, however, I have been incredibly lucky as two of our friends have impeccable taste in friends. This sounds a bit odd, I know, but they're masters. They've constructed an amazing group of wonderful people with solid characteristics and warm personalities that all support and encourage each other. Through contact with them, I've been able to share in this group and have had some of my most fun and memorable moments with these people. It was this group that I was dancing with last night and it's this group that I'm going to miss getting to know better in the coming couple of years.

I don't see my connections to this group as tenuous enough to break irreparably, but I do know that I'll lose others. This is a loss I'm willing to accept as I know I can have a direct impact on who gets lost in the shuffle and who stays the course. My brief sojourn abroad will give me a crash course in friendship-making and I look forward to making it work.

99

The stress is making me sick. There's a cold coming on and I just want to walk out the door and leave now. The piddly nit-picky parts of packing/prepping have worn on my nerves and I feel lonely all the time.

100 days, 100 nights

Tomorrow my countdown lurches (much like my stomach), into the double digits. It's alarming how short 100 days actually is when you stop to think.

My stress and concern for Penny has been assuaged. The trip to my parents' house went well enough. Tigg barely noted Penny and there was no bloodshed. I'm going to call that a success. What's more is that Penny loves the house. She's already commandeered spots that are now hers and there's so much carpet. At one point she was dragging herself across the living room purely by claw across the carpet. She was in compete broadloom heaven. That's one little stressor out of the way....now to confront the dozens more waiting in the wings.

It was actually alarming how my mood changed the second we returned to Ottawa. The stress and overwhelming feelings hit me and I was thrown right into the sort of mood where no one wins. I had no idea being in Ottawa and dealing with all of this was destroying me as a person in little ways. To remedy this, I think my only hope is to do as much as possible, as quickly as possible. That can't possibly go poorly, right? *eye roll*

The majority of our weekend was spent with my family helping them plan their European adventure. It was a lot of fun to get caught up in someone else's plans and forget my own. I'll be meeting up with the group of them about mid-trip in Chaziuex, France, where we'll also be spending Christmas this year. I'm looking forward to it all and will likely let that consume me for some time during the bleak English winter.

Chazieux, France

Our packing efforts got off to, what I thought at the time was, a good start. I've since realised one lonely box of yard sale-worthy books does not cut the mustard and a redoubling of efforts is called for on both our parts. I should probably be packing, not blogging right now...